This is my scribble to the world

This is exactly what I want my life to look like- bright, curious, unique, inexplicable, adorable, bizzare, and beautiful.







In certain moments i can see the way i want my life to be and in sudden flashes i can for an instant understand how to weave together all the bad things and all the wonderful things into something that is complicated and rich and wonderful. I just wish i could get those flashes to stay, or stay longer. When i have them i feel so grown up and alive and capable but without them i feel so young and scared and fragile.

Children can be so amazingly solid and sure of themselves. There is this one little girl whom i work with who has a stronger sense of self them anyone i know who is my age. She just knows who she is in the world and how she wants to be in the world and she doesn't look over her shoulder to see what other people think of it. She runs around, she kicks of her shoes and rolls down a grassy hill, she doesn't need any one to join her or watch her, she is just alive. The sun came out and she declared that she was too hot and took off her shirt (she is about 3) and then climbed in the sandbox, closed her eyes, and lay back on the cool sand. She just lay there feeling the cool sand on her back and the hot sun on her tummy and i would definitely believe that in that moment she was as zen as any zen master and more fully present in the moment, in the experience of living, then most of us will ever manage to be.

Dear Masha,

I know you are currently awaiting replies form many internships all around the world. And we both know how I feel about that : )
But we also both know how it will turn out if you get one. You will go off to Germany do amazing research. Meet a handsome prince (because they have stuff like that over there). Get unbelievable letters of recommendation. Get into any grad school you want. Become rich and famous and save the world and win a noble prize and marry that fabulous prince in a gorgeous white dress in an utterly beautiful Russian Orthodox Church. But what if you don't get in


( What will happen then? )

If you don't know what that is click on this link and watch

http://www.meatrix1.com/

There is this singer named Regina Spektor who i had heard mentioned but never comperehended. Her name caught my interest tonight and i pursued it. I found this music video. It is beautiful and has a eerie depth and profoundness.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGTDRztaCCw

Music Marc Loves: Stravinsky Rite of Spring, Shostakovich Symphony #5 mvt 1., Stravinsky Symphony of Psalms- Psalm 39, Symphony # 7 Beethoven, Voilin Concerto in D Beethoven, Bach B minor mass, Rachmaninov 3rd piano concerto 1st mvt. Sibelius Violin Concerto in D minor, Beethoven Symphony # 9 mvts. 3 & 4, Beethoven quartet in C# minor op. 131, Beethoven Piano Concerto #4 in G major, and of course anything he wrote himself.

I am assigned a task such as an essay or a test or a problem set. I become so focused on that taks, my mind becomes so wraped up in it that i actually forget that i will exist even if i don't complet it let alone if i don't sucsesfully complet it. I forget that who and what i am are not being defined or tested. I forget that the rising of the sun and my heart beat and happiness are in no way conected with this task. HOw the HELl is that possible. This is what i want to be writing my essay on. Perhaps i will try to write a few essays of my own (if Masha will let me) over spring break. Another one would be- should we be so eager to try to prove that god exists or that god doesn't exist. If we prove that he does not exist where does that leave us? and why are we so eager to know? what does it change? should it change anything?

Well all i have to say is that it is good to remember- even if only fleatingly and superficaly.

"My life has been one great big joke, a dance that's walked a song that's spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself. "
Maya Angelou

In 1 cubic centemeter of soil there are about 1 billion bacteria.

Plan 17 was the French's brillant idea of WWI. They decided to charge into the German firepower with bayonets. Maybe not the best idea ever, but they also miscalculated the German's position and they also decided to wear red pants.

Aphids are the cows of ants- ants lovingly move them around leaves let them harvest the sweet nurtrients of the leaf and poop it out, then the ants eat the poop and move their little cows to a new spot.


The U.S had good cause to be afraid of the Soviet Union during the Cold War in WWII they had lost 50 million people and they kept fighting.

People are so caught up with proving that God exists or doesn't exist or that we exist or don't exist. Here is what i wonder, lets say we prove that God doesn't exist or that we don't exist, where does that leave us. Are we capable of handeling a truth like that? If we aren't maybe we should concider this before we out smart ourselves.

Ashley might be the only one to apceiate the beauty of this (and i hope you do Ashley)

does anyone know this song?

i just love music that swells

You know, reading can be fun -- it's a good escape -- but I'm beginning to think that maybe there isn't a point beyond that.  I mean it doesn't tell you anything about the real world.  And ultimately, we have to live in the real world. It just seems kind of pointless sometimes.

I don't know, I'm just having a bit of an identity crisis right now.  I don't feel like myself. It'll probably pass.

Mitka WON!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is the full text!!!!!!


It says his sister has a sign that says "NO Math At Dinner". I think i am going to make one too for the special math obsessed people in my life (like you Masha!).


I love how Randy had no idea what had happened, good job supporting your students. And they just had to quote Mr. Rake, yuck, what bs.

But I am so happy for Mitka, what a genius! We are all so ridiculously happy for him! YAY!

I am so excited he is going to go to Harvard or MIT. Then i can get him to help me with my math homework next year, when he is not busy reinventing the world.

My dad was tellling me about this conferance he is at. A conference against corpurations and   for people like Mr. Rogers who wanted to make the world a better place. He was saying that the ratio of women to men was around 4 to 1 and i quiped " what? because women care about the world". and he said, "that is basically it". and the truth is,
that is the truth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrtPkL0j3Cs

Also, this was what was going to be on Caitlin's post, so you can just ignore hers.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=B1W773QN

For you to keep it forever.

Constantly Risking Absurdity   

Constantly risking absurdity
and death
whenever he performs
above the heads
of his audience
the poet like an acrobat
climbs on rime
to a high wire of his own making
and balancing on eyebeams
above a sea of faces
paces his way
to the other side of the day
performing entrachats
and sleight-of-foot tricks
and other high theatrics
and all without mistaking
any thing
for what it may not be
For he's the super realist
who must perforce perceive
taut truth
before the taking of each stance or step
in his supposed advance
toward that still higher perch
where Beauty stands and waits
with gravity
to start her death-defying leap
And he
a little charleychaplin man
who may or may not catch
her fair eternal form
spreadeagled in the empty air
of existence.

Lawrence Ferlinghetti

      So I have been warned about you. All around me people are telling me to beware of you. I know that you are reading my entries and monitering all my internet actions closely. I can sense you. But I don't fear you. I refuse to live my life in fear. And whether you be an employer or a goverment offical or a pervert, welcome. Please browse at will. I am how I am and I post what I post and I am very much afraid I can't do anything about it (don't think I havn't tried). I just wanted to appoligize, there is nothing devestatingly private or inciminatingly evil. I just don't have the guts to live that fasincating of a life. for the most part I am just hopelessly idealistic, agravatingly condesending, and terribly moral.  But I do say some confusing things so I just wanted to extend and invitaiton to you...

If you have any questions PLEASE just ask.

I would be happy to clear up any confusions. The biggest problems in realationships is misconmunication. And we have a kind of relationship, a creepy peeping tom kind of of relationship, but a relationship none the less.


Good luck in your cyber search, I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for, but you might be surprised. It may be that the thing you are looking for is not what you need at all and rather if you were to sit very still and listen to your breathing you might discover that the empty feeling you feel inside can be filled  by quiet slow mindful living.



Yours truly

M.

This is a quote war, more less we can list all the best quotes in one place. But I suggested a quote war to Marc because he only enjoys things that are competitive. So it works like this, post a quote then other people can rate it on a scale from 1-5, one being pretty good (negative numbers go to bad quotes and 0 is for neutral ones) and five being a work of utter genius never to be paralleled. The quote will get as many points as its average score and whoever posts the most wonderful quotes wins.